Urges always deplete you and temporary impulses always make us go wrong. I was young, had a job, good friends and time. At this point in my life I was majorly being led by urges and my spiritual life had taken the shelf in the corner. If you don’t have the courage to evaluate yourself and see how far you have fallen because of urges, just look at your body-it says it all. There were many changes going on in my body I couldn’t understand or even control. Still living with my mother and siblings allowed me not know grown up things like pay rent and replace the broken blender.

Urges make withdraws while instinct makes deposits.

God calls us according to his purpose only but still created us with our own will which he really respects. We always make our own choice. And I mostly made wrong the choices.

There is a story in the bible, about disciples who had gone fishing but were not lucky enough to catch fish that night. The whole night they tried but still failed. God knew all along that they were not ready for the fish they wanted to so badly to catch, because their nets were old. They didn’t know because we are only human and can never really see what’s about to happen. So, God prolonged the process and they were losing hope. But they decide to sew their nets while they keep trying. When the time was right they caught enough fish because the nets were strong enough to hold the fish.

Most times we want something so bad and we do anything in our power to have it. I learnt a lesson from the disciples. Gods timing is always right. Just like the disciples, I was a young 20-something- girl who wanted so badly to do the right thing at the right time. I didn’t realize that what the world termed as right timing might not be Gods timing. I fell in love and it broke me to say the least.

I was not so young, but I did not even know what exactly I wanted from the relationship. I just dived into it. I struggled in all ways possible. By the time it ended I was lost, jobless, felt like I was in a bottomless pit and couldn’t pick myself up.  So I went back to God and asked him to restore me. God taught me in that pit that when you ask him for cake, he will give you flour, milk and eggs. I constantly asked God for rest and peace, until I learnt that he was the whole while teaching me to leverage my experience for what he had always planned for my life. In other words, he wanted me to give him my hopeless situation and he fills my fish net.

The hours that ordinary people waste, extraordinary people leverage.

Your perception can block your creativity. The way you perceive it, is not always the way to look at it. You need a different perspective of the situation to deal with it because when you get your opinion off the throne it changes. Sometimes the battle is in our heads and it affects our whole life. But God always leaves a plant or a seed and this seed always germinates in the dark. God places different things in our life to direct us to our purpose. Twenty-something is basically the only age you can use as leverage. Meaning it’s the exact age between life-as-you-know-it and what will later be known as ‘real life’ (that’s scientifically proven, of course), people expect you to make some mistakes. Mistakes like overcooking a pot-roast or dating someone who may not be right for you. And that’s okay, because heck, you’re just twenty-something.

I did not know then that the only way you can enjoy the love in your life is to choose to make something else more important in your life than love. The bible makes it clear in 1 John 3:11 that love is our job description in life but we have to be wise while we do our job. Despite the most devastating heartbreak, I learnt how to leverage whatever situation I am in for a better one in the future. I am married to the love of my life, my insecurities all gone and good relationship with God.

“If you have failed, that means that you are doing something. If you are doing something then you have a chance.”


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